Monday, 5 June 2017

Reality TV

There is some good reality TV, Springwatch is a good example of intelligent TV showing wildlife at it's best and closest with some stunning photography. 

Unfortunately, we then we descend into the depths with the likes of Big Brother. The first series was different and entertainingg for about 3 seconds but how can you get excited about watching people, and I use the term people loosely, sleep.

It's utter crap and a complete waster of energy and bandwidth, static noise is more entertaining so here's my plan. 

Advertise that you need contestants from every city in the world for a new series, collect all the people that want to be on it in a big room in every city, once they are inside seal all the doors and fill it full of concrete. You then use the rooms as a big concrete block to shore up the coastal defences and you have at a stroke improved the overall IQ of the planet, reduced the amount of food required to feed these people and made some houses vacant to ease the housing issue.

Now we move onto Celebrity Love Island and similar, once more advertise for the contestants, take them to a remote volcanic island and leave them there with the only source of food being Ant and Dec. 

Now here's an idea called I Used To Be A Celebrity and I Want To Be Back On TV, get some has beens of the Timothy Mallet level, take them into the jungle and let the lions loose, nice and easy idea really.

Then there's the cooking ones, some are interesting but there's far too many, let's have a series called Soylent Green Master Cooker. As you may know, Soylent Green is people, so the chefs have to cook meals using parts of the other contestants, the one who is still breathing at the end wins, if more than one is breathing, then the winner is the one with the most limbs intact. The prize is a trip to the jungle mentioned above.

We also have the lack of talent stuff, X Factor where we find the contestant with the most damaged X chromosomes and irradiate them. Britain Thinks It's Got Talent is another one, applying for this garbage should automatically ban you from any record deals, a frontal lobotomy, sterilisation  and regular trepanning.

Finally and I leave this to the last, that complete and utter waste of dna that they call Jeremy Kyle, a waste of an ejaculation. Neanderthals that want to go on this show to prove that they really are the offspring of their aunty and the postman with three legs could become quite useful by converting them into compost, it would probably increase their IQ too.

Yes it's harsh but so is life.